THE DATE AND MATE WISH LIST

DISCOVERING YOUR RELATIONSHIP PRIORITIES

Extraordinary. It’s the kind of love that many people dream of and so few seem to find. An extraordinary kind of love is very possible to discover as long as you understand what your priorities are for a relationship, then stick to your priorities.

 

Start as Friends...Build to Lovers

I am convinced that what most people are searching for in a relationship is their best friend, but best friends aren’t created overnight. As you know, they take time. In this blog, I'd like to discuss the process of how relationships go from acquaintances, to friends, to best friends, and ultimately to extraordinary lovers. 

 

When you are single and looking for a life partner, knowingly or unknowingly, you have a list of criteria in your mind and heart of qualities that you desire for that person to have. All of us have this mental list which usually contains hopes, desires, and ultimately character qualities of our potential partner. 

In order to maximize the possiblity of discovering extraordinary love, you should understand what you desire in a relationship. In fact, I'd encourage you to give this topic some serious thought. I'd even encourage you to make your own list of qualities that you desire in your future partner. To some people, this may seem a little ridiculous, like sending Santa Claus your Christmas wish list. Yet, knowledge is power. To be aware of what you desire in a relationship, increases the likelihood of you actually discovering it. Plus, you can turn your wish list into your prayer list.

The Date and Mate Wish List

 

Here are some qualities that people generally hope to find in a potential mate:

1. Chemistry/Attraction

2. Interesting/Intelligent

3. Dilligent/Good Provider

4. Generous/Helping Others Achieve their Dreams and Passions

5. Encouraging/Kind Hearted

6. Witty/Humorous

7. Loyalty/Honesty

8. Romance/Passion

9. Amazing Sex Life/Best Friends and Lovers

This is merely an example and everyone's 'wish list' is different. Obviously, there are no perfect people and no one person has every quality, so you have to pick and choose what your priorities are in a relationship. In an effort to help you maximize the potential for discovering extraordinary love, I'd like to address each of these nine qualities.

1. Chemistry/Attraction

Too often, people jump into relationships because of physical or sexual chemistry. Chemistry is definitely important in a relationship, however chemistry is not most important. The absolute most important aspect of a relationship is the heart to heart or friendship connection that you share with your partner.

I'm of the opinion that sex too soon in a relationship can actually intefere with the relationship. Sex, especially amazing sex, is like a drug. It can interfere with your senses and impair your vision. A wise person understands that to build a lifelong love requires you to invest the necessary time to become best friends without allowing physical chemistry to overpower their decision. Let’s face it, amazing chemistry and phenomenal sex is what most people want in a relationship, but these two alone can not sustain an extraordinary forever kind of love.

As sexual beings, men tend to be more attracted to a woman based upon her outward beauty (or sexual chemistry) but women tend to be more attracted to a man's heart and soul. Women instinctively understand 'don't judge a book by the cover,' but rather spend time reading the book. A wise woman is looking for a kind, tender, and loving man who will continuously put her above himself.  Yet, everyone has different priorities in relationships. One woman's highest priority might be a man who can provide for her comfortably, yet other woman is more interested in discovering romance, love, and her best friend. 

2. Interesting/Intelligent

Let's face it, no one wants a boring mate. When you're looking for a life partner, you are instinctively attracted to interesting/intelligent people. And, the more intelligent and interesting you are, the more you desire this quality in your parnter. Why is this? Simple really. In our need for speed, microwave, media driven society, we have created a world of people with drastically short attention spans. Plus, the internet, social media sites, and dating sites have created the illusion 'that the grass is greener on the other side.' Sure the grass is sometimes greener, but my philosophy is, 'become the greener grass.' Focus on continaully becoming the kind of interesting, intelligent, 'greenest grass' person there is. This way, your mate is constantly attracted to you.

 

Relationships are like living organisms. They grow, they evolve, and they change with time. The way to insure that you are creating a 'forever kind of love' is to grow and evolve together. This takes intentional decisions on your part to always progress toward the better (grow in intelligence and stay interesting) for the sake of your relationship and partner. 

 

3. Diligent/Good Provider 

We all hope to be loved, cared for, and provided for. This is the nature of love. A father who loves his children provides for them. A husband who loves his wife takes good care of her. Partners who love each other help each other.  Where one might be weak, the other is strong. Couples who love each other work diligently together to maxmize their success as a couple. They know each other's goals materially (homes, cars, etc.) and financially and they encourage each other to achieve their common goals. 

As they reach their financial goals, healthy couples begin to donate and give of their time and resources to good causes. This helps keep the relationship fresh and interesting and the focus is not entirely fixed upon one another, but upon giving to the needs of humanity to help make the world a better place for all of us.

4. Generous/Helping Others Achieve their Dreams and Passions

When you genuinley love someone, your desire is to help them discover and live their dreams and passions. This is the nature of genuine love. Therefore, one of the greatest things you can do for a woman you are dating is to spend time exploring her personal dreams and ambitions in life, then help her achieve her dreams and passions.

passion

A woman instinctively looks for this 'generous' quality in her man. She also looks at how her man treats his family, friends, coworkers, and even his enemies. She asks herself, "Is he selfless?" "Does he go out of his way to help other people?" If he does, this is a good indication of how he will also treat her. Be a man who is selfless and generous.

 

When you make your life’s ambition to help your partner live her dreams, how can she not fall head over heels in love with you? One of my mottos as a life coach is: "My dream, is to make all of your dreams come true." If you ever find someone who shows up in your life demonstrating this attitude, snag them, and take them home for life. You just found your goldmine.

ツ DR

5. Encouraging/Kind Hearted

A most powerful thing you can do on a daily basis, is to overlook the faults and weaknesses in others and encourage and praise their strengths. This is especially true when you are dating someone. Everybody loves and encourager. This is why the world pays motivational speakers big money. Motivational speakers have mastered the art of inspiring and encouraging people toward success. The same is true of your relationships.

Think of yourself as your partner's cheerleader: their 'personal motivational speaker.' Your job isn't to nag, criticize, or point out faults.  Your job description is to inspire. Everyday and in everyway, look for the positive. Tell you partner regularly the things you love and appreciate about her. Make a list of her excellent qualities. Post it on sticky notes on the mirror. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her she amazes you. Tell her she has exquisite taste in clothing. Whatever you do, be kind, and be encouraging.

6. Witty/Humorous

 

Everybody loves a clown because everybody loves to laugh. I've never met one person, not even one, who doesn't love to laugh. The same is true of your partner/spouse. At times, life can be intense and filled with pressures. At these times, take a breath, and make time to laugh together. Go to a comedy club. Watch a comedian on Netflix. Watch a funny movie. Do something together that makes you both laugh. 

Laughter truly is 'the best medicine.' It's like taking vitamins for your relationship: it keeps your relationship strong and heathly. Therefore, laugh together regularly.

 

7. Loyalty/Honesty

 

Trust is crucial in every relationship. In order for love to thrive, loyalty and honesty which builds trust, is required. Trust doesn't grow overnight. It's like an oak tree. It takes years to grow and spread it roots, but it's also the foundation upon which every great relationship is sustained. Therefore, it is crucial that when you are building a new relationship (or any relatinoship for that matter) that you always tell the truth. 

I have a saying, "I would rather you tell me the ugly truth, than tell me a pretty lie." Why is that? Simple. Liars can't be trusted. Their word is worthless. Plus, I respect anyone who has the courage to always be honest, even if the truth isn't pretty. Honesty takes courage. Courage creates respect. Respect strengthens the relationship. Therefore, trust in every relationship is built upon total honesty and loyalty. 

8. Romance/Passion

Many women crave romance and passion in their relationships. This is why the bookstores are packed with romance novels. Women believe in it, and instinctively crave it, but many don't find it. This is why they live vicariously through romance novels. I am of the opinion that romance and passion is extremely possible in your relationship, but you have to want it, and even crave it, to discover it. 

Romance is like the tango, it takes two. Romance is not to be confused with sex though. Romance is foreplay. Romance is the art of capturing and keeping the attention of your lover. Romance is the skill of seducing the mind and heart and of your lover on a continual basis. When a man romances a woman, he tactfully and skillfully, seduces her mind and heart into dreaming about him...and only him. Romance is art of causing your partner to dream about you and crave you: spiritually, mentally, sexually, and emotionally. 

9. Amazing Sex Life/Best Friends and Lovers

If you have created your own 'mate wish list' and discovered someone who meets most of your ideals, you are indeed a fortunate person. Then, if you have through time created a best friendship through qualities like loyatly and honesty, you are even more fortunate. Congratulations, you have just baked the best 'relationship cake.' 

Next comes the icing. The 'sweet vanilla frosting' of every relationship is the union you share with your partner sexually. If you have invested the time to get to know your partner mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and if you have invested in her passions and dreams, and if you have built a trustworthy friendship, the sexual union you will share with her will be extraordinary. When a man invests this type of energy into his woman, he is the most fortunate man of all, because she will open her heart, soul, mind and body to him on levels no other person before him has ever known. 

As in every other part of your relationship, keep your sex life interesting. Mix things up. Positions. Locations. Explore each other's sexual fantasies. Talk about what you desire in a sexual partner and what feels best. Then focus on pleasing your partner. A man whose primary interest is satisfying his woman sexually, will himself be satisfied. Always give to her wants and desires first. Follow these simple suggestions and your sex life with be extraordinary.

This is an example of how you can create your 'ideal mate wish list' and how to create an extraordinary relationship with your best friend and lover.

Nashville, TN

 

ツ DR

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