RELATIONSHIPS: TAKERS AND GIVERS
As both a psychology and Bible major, I’ve spent a great deal of my life analyzing people and have come to the conclusion that there are really only two kinds of people in the world today: takers (users) and givers (lovers). When you peel back all the layers of a person down to the very core, you will eventually discover that they are either one or the other. Whichever one you are will determine the type and quality of your relationships. Let’s examine the basic two personality types.
They are Selfish. They have a “Me” mentality. They use others for their own benefit. They are often flattering. Always trying to get ahead in the world and will step on anyone and anything to get to the top. They are great manipulators. Takers will pretend to be your friend, get close to you then stab you in the back with a proverbial knife. Eventually you will wake up thinking that they were your friend or even lover and realize that you were “sleeping” with a devil.
Takers do know how to give but only when it is convenient for them and will ultimately benefit their own cause. Their motivation is always selfish: to get something in return. Takers continually take at the expense of others. They don’t care how much it will cost others, they are going to get what they think is owed to them. Takers value money and things above people. Halloween is their favorite holiday. The main mask they wear is called: “Giver.”They are constantly hiding their selfish motives.
They are kind hearted. They constantly do things for others and don't need recognition. They spend time discovering what you like and they do that for you. It could be making your favorite meal. It might be secretly buying you prime seats at your favorite concert. Maybe it as simple as doing a chore around the house and never complaining about it. Givers just give. Always. They think the best of everyone else and usually believe that everyone else is just like them. Sometimes givers are naive. Givers do what they do because they love others and want to demonstrate that love. Givers continually give to the point where it might even cost them financially or emotionally. Givers find their greatest joy by bringing joy to others. Givers usually value relationships above all else. Christmas is their favorite holiday because they can’t wait to buy, wrap presents in elaborate packages and give gifts to the ones they love.
Mixing the Two Personality Types in Relationships
Two Takers in a Relationship
Spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. Two takers in a close relationship is like two stray cats in a dark alleyway fighting over one piece of fish. Neither of them have any clue how to give. Both are constantly trying to manipulate the other to get what they want out of the relationship. It’s a vicious destructive circle of take – take – take. But takers are very wise. Remember they are hiding behind masks of giving. They are the best pretenders. They are so good at being manipulative they usually have even themselves deceived. These type of people can and will give for a while, but their motives are impure. They are doing it ultimately for how it will benefit them in the long run.
True givers find the reward in the giving and the joy it brings to others, while takers are always in it for themselves. They might even be doing it for how it will make them look to others. Eventually, two takers in a relationship will destroy each other, or the most selfish one will win and this type of relationship will eventually self-destruct.
One Taker and One Giver
Spells D-E-S-P-A-I-R. Most relationships in the world today are this combination. Why? Because it can work, but the giver usually becomes despairing. Takers need givers and givers need someone to give to, but you can see where this is headed can’t you? The taker keeps taking and the giver keeps giving. t This type of relationship will work for a while. No telling really how long, but it will work until…eventually the giver will wake up either desparing or disgusted. The giver usually thinks that if they keep giving that they can change the taker. That’s like trying to turn a dog into a cat by feeding it cat food. Last time I checked, dogs love cat food, but they never morph.
The giver will eventually grow exhausted, angry, or despairing. Some givers will settle down and assume, “Well this is just the cards I was dealt." Other givers might bail on the relationship searching for someone better, and hopefully they can find another giver.
Two Givers in a Relationship
Spells D-I-V-I-N-E. This is as good as any relationship can get. Why? This is two givers constantly trying to out give each other. It becomes a game for them. “I’m going to one up you in the giving department.” Then your partner does the same. This giving-giving relationship will splash all over everyone around them. Others will be drawn to their circle of love and not even know why. Ultimately it's because their hearts are pure and their truest motives are to give.
The bedroom is definitely one area this giving will be demonstrated, but certainly not the only. Sure there are times when we’re all a little selfish in the bedroom but a true giver will constantly demonstrate a pattern of giving. A male giver in the bedroom understands that the more he effectively loves and satisfies his woman, the more she will respond to his selflessness by giving ridiculously back to him. Women respond to loving, kind, selfless male givers. In fact, women crave them.
Givers Attempt to Out Give
A true giver usually takes great pleasure in out giving others. A giver might occasionally be used by takers, but they will forgive. They will learn vital lessons and attempt to only unite themselves with other givers in as many relationships as possible. True givers understand that it is truly more of an honor to give than to receive. Givers, however also need to learn to receive. Sometimes genuine givers refuse to be given to, and that is simply pride. Givers need to learn humilty. Givers need to learn to receive and then give again, then receive, then give again. It’s a healthy cycle of how God intended relationships to exist.
If you are a genuine giver, always give no matter how many takers you encounter. Give and you will recieve. Don’t become bitter. Forgive the takers and stick to your kindness. Keep giving. Eventfully you will find other givers who will appreciate you and who will give back to you in return. Ultimately, it’s the givers with the purest motives who truly make the world go round. The real winners are the givers. God promises they will inherit the earth because their hearts are pure.
Luke 6:38 (NASB)
"Give, and it will be given to you. They will [a]pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”
Acts 20:25 (NASB)
"It is more blessed to give."